We won't sleep together?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
