I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm like, not good at living.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
