Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
