my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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