Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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