Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
