i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
