My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
