I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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