Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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