Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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