now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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