That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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