strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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