I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
