singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
