Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
