Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
