Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
