Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
