When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
