i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
