I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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