Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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