and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
sarcasm needs its own font
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
