sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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