I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
