just tell him i said nine months
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
