We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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