i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
