so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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