I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize