I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
