OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
