On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize