I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
