i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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