U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
