the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize