yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
