Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
