yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize