What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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