I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize