Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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