Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
