You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize