Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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