If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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