this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We smell like vodka and hangover
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
