4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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