Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
