Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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