One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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