He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
