Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
me + whiskey = a bad person
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
