I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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