I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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