someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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