I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
