No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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