why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
