so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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