My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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