think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
