my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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