im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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