So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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