Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize