elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
