well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
