Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
