It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
