how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
